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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27405991">Church Bells</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostdiadem/pseuds/lostdiadem'>lostdiadem</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Compliant, Heavy Angst, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Remus Lupin, POV Third Person, Post-First War with Voldemort, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Young Remus Lupin, brokenheartsfest2020, hpbrokenhearts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:42:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>653</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27405991</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostdiadem/pseuds/lostdiadem</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for hpbrokenhearts fest 2020:)</p>
<p>Remus works through his emotions after the betrayal.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Church Bells</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
  <p>It was deep into the winter now. Remus had no idea how that much time had passed between that day, and when he looked back all he could see was turmoil and strong spirits. Distantly, church bells rang, ghostly in the dark sky. It made his eyes well up, the sound taking him back years, the happiness still ringing in his ears - the smiles like faded photographs. Clutching the neck of his bottle tightly, he lifted it to his lips to take a swig, his taste buds numb to the burning. He was always numb recently, maybe this is just another way he’s losing sensations.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The tears clung to his lashes, and he had to blink for them to roll down his cheek, the warmth stark contrast from the bank’s unrelenting wind. Clumsily wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he lent against the railing. The canal was completely idle, the currents still despite the harsh wind.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Remus stared off into the distance, lights from the blocks of flats twinkling benevolently like dying stars. They seemed so close, yet so far, and he outstretched his hand, as if reaching to touch them - to feel the electric on his fingertips. To no avail. He felt nothing, and the tears kept rolling. They were dripping off his face now, onto his scarf and the felt of his coat, blotted ink on tissue.  He couldn’t stop, he suddenly realised.</p>
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  <p>So he took another sip.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The river was a mirror, the stars rippling into the surface like jewels. Maybe that was just the tears in his eyes, he didn’t know anymore. Everything seemed significant but also unimportant, recklessness creeping into him. Casually, he thought about scaling the flood barriers and throwing himself in, to feel his body hit the water and to just feel <em>something</em>. It’d be like floating, and he could let himself sink to the very bottom, the moon smiling from the outside, his pale hands just too far away. No one would bother saving him - no one was around - and they’d never find him. It wasn’t like anyone would go looking for him anyway. He had no one left.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The last thought stung the most, and his ears began to ring like sirens. He frowned, resting his head on the cool railing. It all came flooding back; Hogwarts, the dorm, the wedding, the betrayal. He could hear James’ voice in his head now, telling him to stop being daft, Lily telling him he’s so strong, and Peter asking if he wants to play chess. It just made him feel worse, and his soul felt like a vacuum in his sternum. Eating him up, it felt like poison threading through his veins, down to his fingertips and making them completely numb. He was sobbing now, his face wet with tears and he gasped for breath as if he’d be able to catch it. He straightened up, whipping his nose with his sleeve.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Bastard…” He whispered, so quietly into the night filled with church bells, the perspiration billowing out his mouth. The poison was curdling into red anger, a deep crimson that had ignited inside him. The tears turned from anguish to rage, and he screwed his face up.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You fucking BASTARD” He yelled, grabbing his bottle and throttling it full force over the railing and into the stream below. It hit the surface with a loud <em>splash</em>, bobbing innocently and it began to float further down the canal. It didn’t make Remus feel any better, and he continued to sob relentlessly, his whole world finally collapsing into him. His hands were too full with the weight of everything else, that he couldn’t reach up to stop the ceiling crashing down on his head. Doubling over with emotion, he felt his knees go weak. Remus screamed until he felt numb, until his throat felt hoarse.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The bells stopped ringing, and it was Christmas day.</p>
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